Roan is not fully settled in here; vintage lamps and half-unpacked boxes dot the floor.
It feels safe and warm for a house thats as new as the life shes suddenly living.
Since this spring, Roan has experienced the kind of rise that makes words like meteoric feel quaint.
Back in April, she wrapped a stretch of dates opening for her friendOlivia Rodrigo.
I cant really sleep that well because I have insomnia, she says.
Its just so hard to chill.
Its been a really hard adjustment.
After Coachella, the iconic moments kept coming.
She may have had the biggest crowd ever for a Lollapalooza set, and she wasnt even a headliner.
Singles, including one released back in 2020, have begun charting.
2022s Casual has blown up on TikTok.
The cheerleader-inspired Hot to Go!
can be heard at baseball games; even the bros know its YMCA-style dance.
After Gov Ball, Roan noticed, I was getting almost a hundred thousand followers a day.
At first, I was in severe denial, she recalls.
Its not like that.
I couldnt say, I am gaining success.
She had been writing huge anthems and creating her own drag persona.
If I like it, then its good, says Rodrigo.
I could tell she actually meant it, too.
Four years ago, she had been dropped from her first label and left to pick up the pieces.
Whats so infuriating is how people are just now taking me seriously, she says.
Like, You know what, bitch?
Ive been doing this shit and youre just now catching up.
Still, Roan never anticipated it would getthisbig.
Normal as she once knew it no longer exists.
As a working artist, she was happy to just see the shows grow.
Its my dream job, she says.
I never know if its going to be like this ever again, which is kind of scary.
The towns population recently rose to just over 6,500.
I felt so miserable for my whole childhood, she says.
She would talk back and constantly get in trouble.
All my parents could do was try their best.
Much later, she would be diagnosed with bipolar II disorder.
As a teen, she had outlets, at least, that would temper her then-undiagnosed mental illness.
She loved the outdoors and loved to craft.
Kayleigh was pretty introverted back then.
She made her own clothes and couldnt find community with even the class weirdos.
I was just a freak and really shy and self-conscious and modest, she says.
Two years after that, she wrote her first song, about a boy she liked.
Kayleigh and her Mormon crush didnt work out.
He was such an asshole, she admits now.
He was so mean to me.
As a teen, Kayleigh enrolled in a program for talented kids interested in exploring music and film.
As the camps director recalls, she needed little mentoring.
She arrived with Lennon-McCartney-level songwriting skills, he says.
Its the corniest song on Earth, she says now, age 26.
Corny or not, Die Young caught the attention of the right people.
Within a few months, label execs began flying her and her parents out for showcases and meetings.
Roan missed her entire senior year of high school, skipping prom and graduation.
I feel allowed to be who I want to be here, she told me in 2022.
While Roan was coming of age, her career hit a bit of a standstill.
She wanted her music to sound like a party.
He played her some super ethereal chords on his guitar, an idea he had been noodling around with.
She liked it, so he recorded a loop.
She just sat there and didnt say a word.
I could tell she was writing in her notebook for like an hour.
I just kind of let her hang.
Pink Pony Club, in particular, was a huge departure.
Both Nigro and Roan knew in their bones it could reach a wide audience.
According to Roan, however, Atlantic tried to discourage her from releasing it.
I was so devastated, she recalls.
It made me second-guess myself.
The same week she lost her label, her relationship of more than four years ended.
At 22, her life and career were in limbo.
People are just now taking me seriously.
Like, You know what, bitch?
Ive been doing this shit.
Roan moved back to Missouri and tried to heal.
She and her family entered therapy together.
It saved us, she explains.
I was just miserable.
She spent the next year piecing her life back together.
After she dropped Naked in Manhattan and My Kink Is Karma, a fandom began to solidify.
I started gaining a lot of followers when I was being really insane on TikTok, she explains.
I wasnt sleeping, she says.
I was on the incorrect meds.
I had the energy and the delusion and realized that this app is fueled off of mental illness.
In 2022, Roan entered outpatient therapy.
Thankfully, she had a clear enough mind to realize shed hit bottom.
After the show, she went right back to treatment.
I realized I cant live like this.
I cant live being so depressed or feel so lost that I want to kill myself.
I just got my shit together, she says.
Shes grateful she sought help long before she experienced the immense, sudden fame shes seeing now.
I would not have been able to handle any of this even a year ago today.
It wouldve just been too much.
She took months to evaluate her new suitors.
I put the labels through hell, she says.
I was like, Give me a [pitch] deck on how you would market me.
Give me a deck on what you would do with my career.
What do you see in five years?
If you cant even do it in a hypothetical situation, you dont know how to figure it out.
Im definitely not signing to your ass.
Roan ended up signing to Island via Nigros new imprint, Amusement Records.
She went from hot-gluing Gushers on shirts to wearing a custom-made swan dress onTheTonight Showand couture onstage.
Now, Roans entire career thrives on those extremes and that weirdness.
(Through a spokesperson, Atlantic declined to comment for this story.)
And four years after it was released, Pink Pony Club has cracked the Top 30.
It feels so good to prove them wrong because they werent just a little wrong, she says.
They were really, really, really wrong.
To know that my gut instinct was right is the best feeling in the world.
Purposeful revenge does not feel good, but revenge by accident feels awesome.
Roan just realized she forgot to text Orville Peck back.
Then she remembers she owes Billie Eilish a text, too.
This is just the state of her life these days.
Its not like me, she says.
Nothing about my life is like me anymore.
I feel like I just let myself down so much because Im not how I used to be.
The more everyone knows who she is, the less she feels connected to who she used to be.
I dont want to date another artist because theyre fucking nuts.
Im so avoidant because Im just like, Shell never get me.
Shell never get it.
Im just running around like a chicken with my head cut off.
Im just like, What?
I cant get married!
It is that punch in of delusion right now.
In June, in the middle of a headlining set in Raleigh, North Carolina, Roan broke down.
I was trying so hard to do the theater-kid thing and just be, like, Push through!
I was worried of letting people down after theyve seen these videos of me fucking serving.
I wasnt serving that day, and I had to be honest.
Roan has had to rethink how she interacts with fans.
She wont respond to the name Kayleigh and says no to most photos.
You cant yell at a random bitch whos on the sidewalk that you dont know.
Its considered catcalling or harassment.
Suddenly, she blurts out that she has a stalker, someone Roan had met back in Missouri.
This person has shown up to her parents home and even Roans hotel room in New York.
So now I have to have security, she admits.
Nothing about my life is like me anymore.
feel like I let myself down because Im not how I was.
There have been other disturbing incidents.
One man berated her about not signing an autograph until the airport police showed up.
The same man was present with a group of paparazzi when she landed back at LAX.
I got home and dropped to my knees, she says.
I have a hard time crying now because of my meds, but I sobbed and was screaming.
In August, Roan was celebrating a friends birthday at a bar when a fan grabbed and kissed her.
Later that night, she learned someone called her dad after his number leaked online.
Sabrina Carpenter, whos also had a shockingly massive year, suggested they meet up and unpack their summers.
It was just good to know someone else feels that way.
Im not trying to name-drop, she says.
Im trying to tell you there are girls who are good people, who are helping other girls out.
Im name-dropping them because people just need to know that people are good people.
Elton has been a fan since early 2023, having played Pink Pony Club on hisRocket Hourradio show.
He attempted to reach her 11 times in five days.
I thought a fucking fan found my iCloud, she says, laughing.
I finally answered it one day, and it was Elton Fucking John.
I am very protective of her, Elton says.
She is kind, innocent, and wonderful.
She is not Chappell Roan offstage a bit like me.
She is one of those people who I felt like I have known for a long time.
Just because you dont know someone doesnt mean that theyre an industry plant, she says.
Did you ever consider maybe youre just out of the loop?
The double standard became more apparent after Roan received backlash for those TikToks she posted in August.
I dont want to be agoraphobic.
Thats [how] most of my peers [feel], she says.
Every fucking artist is on this page.
Everyone is uncomfortable with fans.
Some people just have more patience.
For the Fourth of July, Roan went back to Missouri.
Still, the conservative, God-fearing Ozarks can be a minefield.
Its so hard for kids who grew up on the coast to understand why maybe I can … understand.
And I understand all of it that was in me came from fear because I just didnt know.
Im not going to visit the White House because Im not going to be a monkey for Pride.
She feared her own sexual identity for a long time.
I was scared of flamboyantly gay people because I was taught that, she says.
[I realized] people hate flamboyantly gay people because it exudes femininity, and people hate women.
Just little things like that that youre like, Oh, my God, this is so fucked.
I dont get why this is such an issue for me.
It shouldnt be, but somethings just going on and I need to just accept that.
Roan has had to do some rewiring.
Ingrained in her was deep shame about her own sexuality and self.
Its too pretty not to wear it, she says, showing it off like she just got engaged.
She never had a good time sleeping with men, convincing herself she must be the problem.
Finally its like, Oh, I know why.
Its because Im gay and nothings actually wrong with me.
You dont necessarily have to be out-loud out, she says.
you’re free to kind of silently celebrate if you would like.
Its like, look, I love being gay.
I just dont want to talk about it every second of every day.
Its so nice that people have started to take queer artists seriously outside of their queerness, she says.
We want liberty, justice, and freedom for all.
When you do that, thats when Ill come, she said.
At her house, Roan tells me she had something way worse planned.
I had picked out some poems from Palestinian women, she says.
I was trying to do it as tastefully as I could because all I wanted to do was yell.
I dont know if Ill ever get that close in direct sight of the president ever in my life.
This is my shot.
Roan and I commiserate over how horrifying both the presser and his recent debate with Trump had been.
During the Democratic National Convention, Good Luck, Babe!
soundtracked the Missouri delegations roll call.
My ethics and values will always align with that, and that hasnt changed with a different nominee.
By the time Roan took the stage in Chicagos Grant Park on Aug. 1, Lollapalooza had become Chappellpalooza.
She was everywhere without really trying.
The theme for the night is Chappell Roan Universe, where her fans were invited to re-create her looks.
We run through her weekend, when shes traveling to perform at three festivals back to back.
Shes been seeing her therapist twice a week, working on a plan to get her through to December.
I think Ill have from November to mid-May off to write, she says.
How am I going to fucking write a record without being bored?
I have to be bored and have nothing in my brain to get something out.
We have a country song.
We have a dancy song.
Its super weird, she says.
Then theres The Subway, a song shes been playing live all summer.
She just doesnt think itll be the next single.
I just like performing it, she says, shrugging.
When I dont know, it just hasnt hit me yet because usually I know.
I always have an answer.
I dont think its Subway.
A word she loathes, flop, rattles around her brain.
She went into recording new music not really worrying about anything.
But now shes starting to feel the pressure to follow Good Luck, Babe!
with something just as big.
Lately, shes been obsessed with Joan Jett.
Anything that I listen to Joan Jett, Heart, Gaga I want to feel like them.
So Ill just be inspired by that feeling and how I can capture it.
Oh, my God, she repeats after each number she pulls up: Good Luck, Babe!
has 409 million, Red Wine Supernova 173 million, and Hot to Go!
Oh, my God …
Roan has been taking Eltons advice to say no.
Shes not doing anything that doesnt serve the music.
All the money goes to the world-building, she says.
No, H&M does not fit in this world.
Also, fuck H&M.
No amount of money is going to [make me] consider working with [anyone].
It has to be a hundred percent right.
Roan is starting to let herself bask in the ever-evolving lives of her songs.
She loves hearing theyre played in celebratory places, like weddings and graduations.
And shes on board with Hot to Go!
becoming a sports anthem.
I just need to capture the British soccer people, she says, laughing.
I need the World Cup to get on board with Hot to Go!
and then Im fucking set forever.
She never really dreamt about fame.
I just dreamt about putting on my dream show, she says.
They were happy tears, the bang out that made her anxiety melt away.
Photo assistance:ANDREW HARLESS.Studio:MILK STUDIOS.
Post Production:STEREO HORSE
