Its Day 20 of the Kamala Era, but Trump World remains in the Before Times.
(His dream comes a bit closer later today when Fox News misidentifies him as a Montana voter.)
Sheehy is generically handsome with gelled, dark-blond hair.
Donald Trump speaks during an election campaign rally in Bozeman, Montana, on Aug. 9, 2024.Photo by Natalie Behring/AFP via Getty Images
I dont think they are friends.
Sheehys background is different.
He was raised in a posh Minnesota lake house and only moved to Montana in 2014.
Bridger Aerospacereported lossesof $77 million in 2023 with its stock down 54 percent for the year.
Well, he still has a stellar military record.
Sort of, maybe?
I should have known better.
Politico posited, A changed Trump?
Some allies detect an existential shift after shooting.
Nothing has changed and thats a problem.
Other supporters had more personal concerns.
He better not fucking cancel; Ive been out here for 12 hours, mutters one guy.
The gathered hear a series of opening acts who are obsessed with the issue of masculinity.
Theres still no sign of Trump, so Sheehy is brought out alone.
He begins his speech with a joke.
Well, you know my name, says Sheehy.
Those are also my pronouns.
I can tell you going to middle school in the Nineties that wasnt a fun thing to have.
Sheehy goes through his military record with no word about his own personal magic bullet.
Then he makes a grievous mistake; he makes sense.
He offers the usual Republican words about the border crisis and then makes an observation.
No ones walking across deserts to move to China.
No ones climbing and going in the ocean to move to Russia.
They are coming here to be Americans, and we should be proud of that.
This is a good point!
Alas, it runs counter to the Trumpian view that America has become a dystopian shithole.
The crowd doesnt know what to do and theres an odd quiet.
An uncertain Sheehy pivots back to familiar ground.
Montanans want common-sense government.
And what does common sense mean to Montanans?
They want a secure border, safe streets, cheap gas.
The crowd stands and cheers.
Boys are boys and girls are girls.
Sheehy exits to applause.
The video screen cues up Freddie Mercury camping it up at Live Aid.
TRUMP FINALLY HITS the stage at 9:30 p.m., 90 minutes late.
Maybe its all the rest hes been getting, but hes in a good mood.
Its moments like this that you get a real sense of the man, in all his dyspeptic glory.
He talks of Biden and you get Trump unfiltered.
You know, he wanted to debate.
If we didnt have a debate, hed still be there.
Can you imagine if we didnt have a debate?
Why the hell did I debate him?
The crowd laughs, but you know from his face that Trump means it.
He realizes debating Biden early is going to turn out to be the biggest fucking mistake of his life.
The answer, my friends, is absolutely not.
Trump plays his hits in all their disgusting glory.
He offers insight into his verbal slam strategy.
Ive done a lot of bad name-calling, says Trump with a chuckle.
I say, No, I didnt.
His attacks on Harris are gross and predictable.
You know, its interesting.
Nobody really knows her last name.
If you ask people, Do you know what her last name is?
Nobody has any idea what it is.
How the hell did this happen?
I did some reporting, and Harris turns out to be the last name of Vice President Harris father.
Some further digging suggests taking your fathers last name is a common practice in Western cultures.
I debate shouting back, You want me on that wall, youneedme on that wall!
but instead decide on a five-minute mental health break.
Trump has at least another 45 minutes in him despite the fact some fans are heading for the exits.
Might be some good color.
But I fucked up the time and instead stumble into Bubblepalooza.
Finally, I get a glimpse of some of that happiness and joy that Kamala has been talking about!
Meanwhile, his dad and a friend are screaming, Sword fight!
I can do this.
Its going to be called a Trump mass deportation, because we have no choice.
We have no choice.
We have no choice.
The remaining crowd stands and cheers.
Hes always going to hit the same bigoted points youve grown to love.
You will go home confirmed in your entrenched ideology.
Have some more Cheetos.
But tonight theres a twist, a special guest star that might explain everything.
Trump introduces his good friend and former White House doctorRonny Jackson.
Jackson is hyped up on something, maybe just revenge.
I want to tell you a little bit about this man, Jon Tester.
This man who says that he represents Montana in the Senate.
Jackson makes some odd motions inside his mouth.
This man is a sleazy, disgusting, swamp politician.
Hes a fraud, and hes a liar.
Dejected reporter heads pop up from their Slack channels like dogs sensing a squirrel with a hobbled leg.
Jackson sees it differently.
He came after me.
He tried to destroy me.
He tried to destroy my family.
Jackson then turns back to his friend.
Trump smiles at the doctor who proclaimed he was in better shape than Barack Obama.
Youre a great leader, he says.
Youre a great admiral.
Jackson is not actually a rear admiral anymore.
Point goes to the seven-fingered man with the big stomach.
The arena is now a quarter empty.
Trump wraps up with his own vulgar mantra.
We will make America wealthy again.
We will make America strong again.
We will make America proud again.
We will make America safe again.
We will make America free again.
We will make America great again.
I miss those happy babies blowing bubbles.
