Im here for an evening of laughter and enlightenment starringTucker Carlsonand Republican VP nominee J.D.
(Opening night in Phoenix found Carlson praying with new Christian/accused-sexual-predator Russell Brand, who denies the allegations.)
Im in Pennsylvania for two shows.
Jeff Swensen/Getty Images; Ivan Apfel/Getty Images; Jeff Kowalsky/AFP/Getty Images
Carlson and his experts thought the Ukrainians would fall in a week after being invaded by the Russians.
That didnt happen, so Carlson consoled Putin with a cozy interview in February.
On the same trip, he verbally ejaculatedover the greatnessof a Moscow grocery store.
Optimists hoped Carlsons descent into the basement of extremism would leave him a political untouchable no longer taken seriously.
The vibe had been a bit different, the capacity crowd singing along toMy Girlto pass the time.
Behind me is a middle-aged woman in a green dress with a St. James medallion around her neck.
Her makeup is TV-ready, tastefully applied with just a tint of Trump orange.
I eavesdrop for a few minutes as she talks to an older couple from Pittsburgh.
Kasie has a lot to say.
Once, she waited 22 hours to get a good view at a Trump rally.
What made me mad is a lot of people just put their chairs in line and leave.
Her patter is familiar Trump stan talk, but then she whispers to the couple.
I met Trump once, she says in a conspiratorial voice.
Up close, he was ugly.
He has these acne pits on his face.
The couple is shocked.
No, its true.
She then critiques Carlsons wardrobe.
Every time I see him, hes wearing the same exact plaid shirt and blazer.
I mean, buy another shirt.Related ContentJ.D.
I give my media affiliation.
This leads to groaning and muttering from the forty-ish man ahead of me.
He has violent teeth and a combover increasingly exposed by the drizzle.
The look he gives me doesnt screamall are welcome.
A gimlet-eyed Trump supporter seeing through the bullshit.
Kasie speaks with the confidence of the half-informed.
She teaches school about two hours from Springfield, Ohio, and has been carefully following events there.
She teaches Somalian immigrants at her school and thinks they are, well, different from real Americans.
Their neighborhoods are crowded and dirty, she says.
Im both Italian and Irish!
But we worked at it and blended in.
She then offers a wry smile and a knowing look.
Alas, this is not true.
Trump fought temporary status for Haitian refugees during his entire presidential term.
Thats when the man with the jagged teeth spins around.
You think Biden got more votes than Barack?
His response is one word.
I make a run at lighten the mood.
I tell Kasie that her St. James medal is beautiful.
I check her story on my phone.
It is 0.000045 percent true.
St. James was one of Jesus apostles and eventually became the patron saint of Spain for convoluted reasons.
The Catholic Church supported the Spanish monarchy driving the Moors out of Spain in the 15th century.
This was approximately 1,500 years after the death of James.
No matter, we have finally reached the metal detectors.
Kasie gives me a smile and says it was nice talking.
She hands over her phone and keys and strolls into the Palace of Misinformation.
Turns out 2020 was a very long time ago.
Vance didnt even blink after the Cooper fiasco.
Vance is similarly enthusiastic about Jones.
My seat is in the penalty box for the Hershey Bears, the arenas regular tenant.
This seems right because the night is akin to serving an endless major misconduct penalty.
The crowd grows restless as the start time is pushed back by more than an hour.
The response is tepid despite the guy playing on our sympathies by mentioning his four kids.
Cornered, the dude pulls an ace from the bottom of the deck.
Thankfully, Carlson emerges a few minutes later.
Im not going to try that, says Carlson.
Im not a man of the people.
He brings out a Perrier.
Carlson then gives a speech that would win a gold medal at the disingenuous Olympics.
He paused for a moment.
I wonder if Carlson doesnt remember his own career.
He reports his kids were worried about him.
I told them just let Dad be.
Much of the white guys gab is a long-winded conversation about the evolution of the Ohio senator.
Vance is the ultimate political shape-shifter, a venture capitalist before becoming a bearded populist.
Now they both are Trump isolationists rooting for Russias violation of Ukraines sovereignty to become permanent.
Vance remembers the first time he met Carlson.
We were at some massive bankers conference, recalls Vance.
I feel dirty just thinking about it, says Carlson, whose father married into the Swanson frozen-food fortune.
Thats exactlynothow the book was received, but it serves Vances redemption story.
He presents himself as an idealistic Dorothy making his way through the evil Oz that is the nations capital.
The elites call them racists, insists Vance, for just wanting a fair shake.
Youll never guess what happens next.
Vance tells us one man has his ear to the lips of the common man.
That man is Donald Trump.
Vance offers as proof the vice-presidential selection process.
He recalls a conversation with Trump in Mar-a-Lago on a July Saturday, where they talked about the ticket.
I spent about 30 minutes talking to the gardener of Mar-a-Lago about what he thought.
Vance then inadvertently admits he might not be the most influential man on the stage.
I dont know when he finally made a decision, says Vance.
Probably was Monday morning.
Now, when I think about it, you probably know better than I do.
The event wraps up a few minutes later and I drive back to my hotel in a driving rainstorm.
This was not the Carlson I met in 2017 while profiling himfor another magazine.
Something youre good at.
Honestly, what I really think is youre all a bunch of greasy chicken-fuckers, said Carlson.
TURNS OUT CARLSON WAS JUST WAITING for Vance to clear Pennsylvania airspace.
After that, reality takes a holiday.
I wake up on Monday and flip through social media.
Turns out Jones is shooting outside of the towns quaint welcome center that mostly sets up historical walking tours.
This building is just full of indoctrination, says Jones.
Jones sees it differently.
He sidles up to him at his gate.
Twenty-plus million people dead from those shots, shouts Jones.
The truth is coming out about you and Fauci.
Hows it feel to kill more people than Hitler?
Youre in a lot of trouble.
Nuremberg Two is coming.
(To save time, Im not going to fact-check every one of Jones statements.
Lets go with every one of them is hateful and wrong).
Im outside the Santander Arena in Reading a few hours later for tonights show.
I spot Jones, who is 50 but doesnt look a day over 70.
Jones looks startled, he likes to get in peoples faces not the other way around.
He mumbles, Theyre shipping them from everywhere.
This is a non-answer that underscores Jones was just making shit up.
I am bodied out of the way, and he disappears into the arena.
Theres still time before the show, so I watched an interview Jones did with Carlson that afternoon.
(Content is an unquenchable beast.)
Carlson speaks calmly about the way the Democrats have a go at crush the spirit of the resistance.
They want to humiliate us and make us feel hopeless.
Carlson puts on the worst French accent and botches the name of the woman he is slurring.
Its not even worth defending if Katrina Jean-Pierre is the spokesman.
(The spokespersons name is actually Karine Jean-Pierre.)
Despicable MeTucker is back!
Entrance into the arena goes much more smoothly than in Hershey.
This means I get to watch comic guy do five musical impressions.
(Spoiler alert: The secret ingredient is antihistamine.)
Carlson comes out and is not talking about a nation where everyone loves one another.
Instead, he gives a pretty good approximation of a 2028 presidential campaign stump speech.
Carlson is furious that today Pennsylvania Gov.
I actually dont really want to show up in somebody elses state and attack their politicians, says Carlson.
But I saw a photograph of your Gov.
I was disgusted by it, actually.
I was enraged by it.
The crowd lets out a primal scream.
Carlsons face goes red.
He doesnt speak Ukrainian.
What do you know about Ukraine, Josh Shapiro?
You think Josh Shapiro stays up late worrying about that?
This might be the point where Putin takes over Player One.
The crowd goes bananas.
Empowered, Carlson targets the Democratic ticket.
He suggests Walz is a creep.
Let me just say, as I always would tell my children: Someone seems creepy?
Am I indicting him for the crime?
No, I dont have enough evidence.
But chances are my dogs would bark at Tim Walz if he came over to my house.
Theyd back him into a corner.
He turns his bile to the perception that Kamala Harris is unprepared to be president.
it’s possible for you to see it in her eyes, according to Carlson.
Im Montel Williams side piece.
What am I doing here?
Understandably, this makes the transition to introducing Posobiec a bit of a buzzkill.
The square-jawed Posobiec is a former naval intelligence officer and a replacement-level conspiracy guy.
If Charlie Kirk isnt available, you call him.
Since then, hes written quickie books denouncing such elusive targets as antifa and communism.
He says he wont even take his kids by his childhood home for fear they will be shot.
(Crimestats showthat violent crime in Norristown has dropped 37 percent over the past six years.)
Apparently now hes an investigative reporter.
Later, he tells Carlson theres someone who holds the key to our governments chicanery.
I used to think that, you know, we got to protect Trump, says Poso.
We got to keep him safe.
We got to keep him safe.
Now, I realize theres somebody else we got to keep safe.
Weve got to keep Diddy safe, because thats the next guy theyre going to go for.
Tucker, I dont know.
Maybe you have an in, could you get Diddy on the tour?
Everyone knows whats coming next.
By introduction, Carlson calls Alex Jones a prophet for predicting 9/11 back in the summer of 2001.
This is about 10 percent factual, which tonight passes for absolute truth.
Carlson cant believe that instead of celebrating Jones the government has tried to destroy him.
The man with Trump on speed dial and most responsible for J.D.
Vance being a vice-presidential nominee isnt done.
Im just gonna say that Alex Jones is my friend.
Theres nothing to be ashamed of there.
Im not ashamed, and you shouldnt be either.Theyshould be ashamed.
Jones bounds on the stage, a shine on his bald pate, his eyes blinking rapidly.
Carlson asks him about the state of play in America.
Weve turned the tide, growls Jones.
The crowd stands as one and cheers.
Carlson asks him if he really believes that.
Jones pauses for a second.
Barring the globalists starting a nuclear war, but then theyll still get beat in that process.
Those of us who survive will dig them out of their holes.
Their bunkers will be their tombs!
Lets pause for a moment.
There is a school of thought that by printing Jones words I am enabling him and spreading his misinformation.
I see it differently.
Well, Jones says the elite have already started breeding a new superior species.
He talks about grasshoppers being mated with salmon, but thats just the start.
Humanoid hybrid chimeras are gestating at facilities across the United States.
And then harvest the organs.
I did not know that!
Jones goes on to say pandemic lockdowns were just a prelude.
Covid was just a drill.
They admit it was to get us locked down.
So they released a real bioweapon.
You just stay at home and die, but were not gonna do it.
And if they release the big bioweapon, we know who to go after!
Bill Gates, well get you in your bunker.
He asks Jones what he thinks of Vice President Harris.
Harris is a soulless, truly empty flesh bag, says Jones, whose physical appearance defines flesh bag.
She was admittedly a sex operative, just like Oprah Winfrey admitted she was an underage sex slave.
Harris was a political sex operative.
Willie Brown talks about it.
After all the slander, fantasies, and lies, Jones gives credit to the creator.
Im a Christian, but I really wasnt truly born again.
You got to tell God: I cant do this.
Im pretty sure no one in the crowd shares my opinion.
Instead, the arena is full of Tucker!
chants as the house lights go up.
Carlson exits stage right.
His guest will be Roseanne Barr.
