In rushed the soothing voices, the soft touches, and the answers to my two most pressing questions.
No, I had not soiled myself.
And, yes, I still had my skin on.
Photo illustration by Matthew Cooley. Photograph in illustration by Matthew Eisman/Getty Images
He said, Shoot me up with a big one.
But that was then, and Perrys needs were now.
Weight, 216 lbs.
Blue eyes, blond hair, natural teeth.
Healed amputation of middle right finger, the distal end, noted.
At least 136 pictures of the scene taken.
Also noted: He had a long history of drug abuse, which had apparently ended 19 months prior.
In short order, of course, the truth came out.
From the medical examiners report: Cause of death is determined to be from the acute effects of ketamine.
Contributory factors … include drowning, coronary artery disease and buprenorphine effects.
The manner of death is accident (drug and drowning related).
would not have died on October 28, 2023.
Hes one of the treatments earliest adopters, starting back in 2008, and one of its leading voices.
Hes also the doctor who administered my treatments.
As you know, one thing that happens with ketamine is you lose motor control.
You cant stand up and walk around.
You have to be watched.
But you do have internal thoughts, like your vivid description of the crimson church.
Oh, my gosh.
To do ketamine in water is the height of insanity.
So thats why I cant understand why drowning isnt listed as the cause of death.
In the wake of Perrys death, anti-ketamine agendas abound.
KETAMINE HAS BEEN AROUND as an anesthetic since the 1970s and was widely used during the Vietnam War.
It is still used in operating rooms and is on the World Health Organizations List of Essential Medicines.
Its also favored by veterinarians, hence why its sometimes called Cat Valium.
Snort a line, and you were floating in Jell-O, time and space all gone wonky.
Indeed, even the grand wizards of the psychedelic scene were high on the stuff.
He did a lot of smiling and nodding though not a lot of talking.
That changed when his old friend John Lilly, inventor of the sensory deprivation tank, showed up.
Suddenly, he was all whispers and laughter.
And then his door shut.
I asked one of the kid scientists what they might be doing.
He looked at me as if I was an idiot, shrugged and said, Ketamine.
I asked him what that was.
Another of the curiosities in the medical examiners report is an interview done with one his friends.
Finally, she noted that Perry had been sober for 19 months with no known relapse.
I suppose that all depends on what you mean by sober.
(It should be noted that one of his doctors did refuse a request to up his dose.)
Further, he was taking Bupe, a weak opioid but an opioid nonetheless.
He had quit smoking.
He was getting in shape.
He was happy thats all I know, Jennifer Aniston said after his death.
But it hardly seems like he was sober.
But what was he looking for with all that ketamine?
What were his expectations?
What did he want out of it?
Nothing worked, not even stardom, which hed thought would be a sure fix.
So on he went, good old Matthew Perry.
I would disassociate, see things.
… Oh, theres a horse over there?
Fine might as well be…
It all became about the ego, and the death of the ego.
And I often thought I was dying during that hour.
Oh, I thought, this is what happens when you die.
Yet I would continually sign up for this shit because it was different and anything different is good….
Taking K is like being hit in the head with a giant happy shovel.
But the hangover was rough and outweighed the shovel.
Ketamine was not for me.
Reading this the first time stopped me cold.
HERES HOW KETAMINE used in a medically supervised setting is typically supposed to work.
You take the drug with a doctor and nurse attending.
You experience the trip and then you wait before taking another.
Might be a few days at the start, or a week or two.
Exact protocols have not been established.
Actually, theres two things that are going on.
One is breaking the loop in the head.
The other thing is the other side.
Ah, yes, the other side, the other side being those days and weeks after the trip.
What those words meant wasnt as obvious as you might think, at least not to me.
It pains me to write those last few words.
And doing so does threaten me.
But as of today, at this hour, the loop remains broken.
Halp, hey, halp.
I rarely ask for help for anything.
On offer from Joyous are microdoses, affordable!
Or take control of your wellness via Better U Cares at-home ketamine package, four sessions for $500.
Sure, youll have to deal with a few leading-to-the-answer-jot down questions to qualify but thatll be no biggie.
We dont have [the numbers] for comparisons.
We are not going to have bodies all over the place because of ketamine.
But everyone who uses K frequently kind of enters the same reality.
Its just the way it is.
I call it K Land.
Its not actual reality.
Not that we as humans know what reality is really like.
But whether it is at home or at a club, things are different.
Their own version of reality, the ketamine world.
And it goes without saying that accidents while under the influence can happen.
And the higher you get, the more likely the chance.
And he continued to hold those two things from that moment on.
He knew what was coming.
He could see it.
Heres one of the things about Perrys death that haunts me.
Even though I was immobilized during my last trip, I still had my thoughts.
But Id still be aware.
They knew what they were doing was risking great danger to Mr. Perry, but they did it anyway.
In the instant matter, he paid $55,000 for $660 worth of the drug.
He was a big guy, nearly 220 pounds.
This haunts me, too, one man grappling with the deceased bulk of the other.
The medical examiners report notes that there were minor contusions and abrasions throughout.
From what, it doesnt say.
Maybe from Iwamasas efforts, before he turned to the effort of hiding the drugs.
Tears, I bet.
And maybe a call for help.
