Puffins, you see, are a wonderful species.
They can both fly and swim.
They are adept at burrowing and making nests.
Former D.C. officer Michael Fanone after congressional leaders hold a Gold Medal Ceremony to honor the U.S. Capitol Police, the Washington D.C Metropolitan Police, and others who protected the Capitol on Jan. 6.Bill O’Leary/The Washington Post/Getty Images
Why the fuck would I watch Donald Trumps presidential inauguration?
he asked over the phone the next day a rhetorical question if there ever were one.
Im not curled up in a ball in the corner of my room, sucking my thumb and crying.
You know, my moms 76 years old, Fanone proclaims.
(I didnt know if it was a bomb, his mom told MSNBCs Joy Reid last week.
I was terrified.)
What more could one man do?
I thought Americans were the shit, and I just realize how fucking, absolutely ridiculous that is.
The only thing exceptional about America right now is that were exceptionally fucked up.
The only thing exceptional about America right now is that were exceptionally fucked up.
Case in point: Jan. 20.
Listen, I appreciate where Joe Bidens head was at, and I understand why he did it.
But, I mean, listen dude, I dont need a pardon.
I dont want a pardon.
I didnt ask anybody for a pardon.
Hes not even sure what exactly a pardon will accomplish.
Meanwhile, people like myself have gone broke 1,000 times over paying attorney fees.
And Trump knows it.
Also, Bidens morning pardons foreshadowed Trumps afternoon ones.
It literally is likeThe Godfather, Fanone says.
You know, I get out, and then they pull me back in.
After the election, I just had relegated myself to Yeah, fuck it, dude.
I got betrayed by America.
Probably not the first person.
Did what I did.
Said what I said.
And then, day one, the motherfucker does this.
Hes saying, These are my people.
What hes most concerned about is his familys safety.
Ive sustained threats against me and my family for four years, he says, sighing deeply.
But where else, he wonders, could any true, self-respecting American patriot possibly be?
I rummage around until I find some.
Sorry to the Greenlandic people, but you know, welcome to America!
