The only thing that has kept me alive is that Im a petty bitch, saysStormy Daniels.
There would be too many people happy if I died.
Im alive because of spite.
Daniels speaks outside federal court in New York in 2018.Mary Altaffer/AP Images
Lets not give them a reason to search me.
(Daniels is a competitive equestrian.)
They is anyone who has fucked her over or underestimated her or attempted to profit off her.
Its anyone who has called her a whore or an opportunist or a liar.
You have these people going, #SayHerName.
Her name is Stephanie.
Im like, I dont go by that.
Its a dead name, she says angrily.
If you want to respect me, ask me what I want to be called.
She says she was ambivalent about testifying.
There were many, many moments where I didnt want to do it, she says.
But if they hadnt called me, it wouldve looked like I couldnt be trusted.
And that would have been a bad look.
Daniels has been doing stand-up on and off for the past few years.
There would be too many people happy if I died.
Im alive because of spite.
During the meet-and-greet, most of the attendees clearly viewed Daniels in the same vein.
I feel she speaks for me, Cutspec said.
Still, Daniels clearly chafes against the label of liberal folk hero.
But I am not one of them.
And when youre talking over me, thats almost worse than me not talking at all.
This may stem from what Daniels characterizes as a general mistrust toward women.
Ive been fucked over more by women than anybody else.
Im scared if I endorse her, it will harm her, she says.
Or everybody will be like, See?
She was working for the Democrats the whole time.
Being anointed a progressive savior is a bit of an ill-fitting costume for Daniels, says Nicks.
As Daniels puts it, I dont think of [being a #Resistance symbol] as a crown.
I think of it as a helmet, because Im just gonna get shot out of a cannon.
And I dont think it would have fit on anybody elses head.
She feels similarly stranded between the porn world and the mainstream.
They always said they would [donate], she says.
And not one single person had my back.
(Both Coopers and Kimmels reps declined to comment.)
I developed a thick skin.
She says few of the big names in the industry have publicly supported her.
Nothing from Brazzers, nothing from Pornhub.
Where you at,Penthouse?
Where you at, Larry [Flynt]?
With both mainstream and adult establishments perceiving her as toxic, Daniels forged her own path in the industry.
There is a universe in which Daniels could focus entirely on such projects and avoid politics altogether.
For so long, she couldnt push past her own darkness, Gibson says.
When I ask Daniels if she feels this way, however, she laughs.
I mean, Im living in an RV, she says sardonically.
I feel at peace that hes been held accountable, at least by a jury.
I am at peace with myself; I did the right thing.
[But] I cant be at peace with whats going on now politically.
She says her life following the trial has been like a repeat of 2018, but worse.
Surprisingly, her feelings about Trump are somewhat more complex.
I dont think he necessarily hates me, she says.
I think he hates the situation [Ive put him in].
But that doesnt detract from the existential threat she knows a second Trump term would pose.
He doesnt want to be president.
He wants to be king, she says.
He wants to sit on his gold-toilet throne and wear a fuckin I dont know.
I do hate him, in that way.
[Either way], there will be chaos, she says.
Im sitting in this yard, and Im thinking, My horses should be standing there, she says.
I should be looking at my daughters pony.
Its simple things like that, which are a reminder that I have to live this every day.
