His round eyes and heart-shaped lips gave him that androgynous look, which contrasted with his otherwise rugged features.
He wasnt her pop in (she went for scruffy, bearded guys)but he was objectively gorgeous.
Emma hadnt dated anyone since she broke up with her high school boyfriend after graduation.
Dennis Hallinan/Getty Images
He loves that video of you in the black dress, said the publicist.
Emma winked at the receiver.
Everyone loved that video.
She had to stay out west after that.
Emma was an It Girl.
But inside, Emma was shrinking.
Though the single slayed, the album itself wasnt selling as well as expected.
Her mother had never sent word.
Not about the songs or the secrets.
No phone calls or emails or postcards.
But shes let me do my thing, and Im so grateful.
Her mother still hadnt called.
She would go on the date with Ben, though she tried to play it cool with the publicist.
Can we go to Canters?
she asked on the phone.
Unsaid: And more alone than ever.
Shed had a blowup with Mae a few weeks back.
They got high on excellent weed and watchedDont Look Back.
Sometimes you have to make choices as an artist that hurt people, said Emma.
You never sided with Dylan before that stupid black dress video went to your head, said Mae.
I dont even know why.
It made you look like a generic brunette.
and slamming the door.
They had emailed once since then, about a business thing.
Mae loved it out here, but Emma thought West Coast living sucked.
She had been alone in the house for months, and shadows, breezes, made her jump.
Were there intruders outside?
Fans of her music asking for autographs like they did when she left restaurants?
Thats a lot of meat youre eating, Ben said three days later, at their big dinner.
I would have thought you were vegetarian.
Not by choice, she said.
Its too damn healthy out here.
Smoothies as far as the eye can see!
I needed a sandwich.
She opened her mouth wide to dig in and he raised his eyebrows.
So how do you stay skinny?
I cant drive to the grocery store, she said.
Youre funny, he said.
Not as angry as on your songs.
You seem pissed on that CD.
Emma paused, mid-Reuben, and smoldered at him.
So why did you call?
You looked hot in your video, he said.
Youre being straight about your transactional approach, she said.
So I try at least not to be fake at the same time, you know?
Life here is contrived and vapid, she said before ordering a cream soda, not diet.
Wow, good SAT words, he said.
Im in a tight spot with my family, she said.
He touched her forearm with such kindness that she began to melt.
You got some corned beef in there and there are paparazzi outside.
Outside of the restaurant, a handful of flashes went off.
Emmas face grew sweaty and she looked away, grabbing Bens substantial arm for support.
He patted her hand and helped her into a waiting car.
Nice touch with the arm, he said.
To be honest, less feminine than in the videobut I like your tomboy thing.
Look, Im not about to get exclusive, but I had fun tonight, he said.
And I like your whole vibe, like I said.
Want to take it back to your place for a bit?
I like you too, but Im not that desperate.
She got home and brooded.
She was that desperate.
He came onstage at her Anaheim show.
he said, exuberant, as they arrived home around one in the morning.
Reminded me so much of mySweet Camellia Winetour, when you were but a babe.
Emma moved Daves scattered shoes and jacket into the closet.
Dave asked her now, rummaging through her fridge.
I know you enjoy a grilled cheese at night, but dairy is terrible for the voice.
Are you exercising yours?
Trying, she said.
I eat cashew cheese now, he said.
Cashews are one of Mother Natures most inventive foods.
His bread crumbled but did the trick.
After the toaster dinged, Emma sat down and demolished the sandwich, then rummaged for beer.
Dad, you seem too skinny, she said.
Im healthy, he insisted.
I cant outrun geneticsmy dad was a sickly guybut Im trying.
She regarded her father again, in his green sweat suit.
Her own circle-ringed eyes were worse than his, but he did seem wan.
She shifted the conversation to her writers block.
Dont be like Mom, he advised.
Waiting for the muse to come down like lightning.
Dont you know Calvin and Hobbes?
Inspirationyou have to go out and chase it down, with a club?
Thats Jack London, Pops, Emma said with a smile.
Calvin said it is not like a faucetyou cant turn it on.
You have to be in the right mood.
Calvins more like Mom.
Jack London is my guy, then, said Dave.
Each chose one to play: a Fender Stratocaster, a Les Paul.
Then they switched to acoustic, so they could sing.
At four in the morning they were still going.
Still got it, Pops, Emma said.
He held his hands out again, staring at them as if they had been sutured onto his arms.
You know that Mom had tremors before she quit performing, and I wasnt sympathetic.
The babies that redeemed her, allegedly.
Emma yawned and told Dave she was calling it a night.
A horrible grinding sound woke her the next morning.
she called down the stairs.
Making smoothies with this blender of yours!
Too bad you dont have silken tofu, but I found some old spirulina powder.
Whats the story with the Top Forty this year?
Dave asked her as they sat down at the table.
All these robotic layers between listener and song.
The Beatles, Emma said, smiling, were a boy band.
Dont take a stab at compare.
asked Emma, arching her voice.
Surely you cant resist that midriff and those pigtails?
Shes a sexy pop star, he said.
I should call some people from before I came out here, she said to Dave.
She ran her finger over a chapped lower lip.
I should really call Mae.
You should call Judie, said Dave, his mustache now spirulina coated.
She is calling you.
She sent me here.
I am the telephone.
Dont lie for her, said Emma.
He held up his hands.
He handed her the smoothie in a mason jar.
She tasted his concoction, made a face, but gamely kept drinking.
Maybe it would help her look less haggard.
Its not good, all the stuff we kept from you, he said.
But Im bringing up my own dad because I never got right with him.
One afternoon, they took a hike in a canyon.
Thats what people did out here.
Emma held Daves elbow.
I tried, he said.
To be around for you.
Count on the ego to counteract the kinder impulses.
Have you written a song recently?
she said as they walked back.
I have lyrics, he said.
I could use help rounding out the tunes.
Emma wasnt otherwise engaged.
So from then on out they made music every day, even recorded it on demo tapes.
I gave up, he said.
After a decade or so.
For years I badgered her to write, he said.
Then I got used to things being a certain way.
I didnt lock her in a room and make her write songs.
But would she have?
She said that you and Leon were worth a thousand hit songs
But she was unhappy.
She was unhappy in the Singer Sisters, too.
Some people are constitutionally discontent.
Maybe shes better now, without us around.
They squeezed each others hands.
And then her father flew home, and Emma was alone again.
Call Ben for another date, her agent said.
Just to make them forget the acoustic dad album idea.
It took three nights for her to pour herself a Sylvia-sized gin and tonic and call Ben.
Does your offer still stand?
Come by anytime, he said.
She had won.She had won it all, and she hated it all.
FromThe Singer Sistersby Sarah Seltzer.
Copyrights 2024 by the author and reprinted by permission of Flatiron Books
