Its Sunday afternoon near the Washington Monument and the clouds overhead are suitably dark and impenetrable.
All your friends are here.
He is dressed as a cartoon villain in a suit that is half red and half blue.
Robert Kennedy Jr., Jordan Peterson, and Russell Brand.Rebecca Noble/Getty Images; Attila KISBENEDEK/AFP/Getty Images; Lester Cohen/Getty Images
Nearby, Bashar al-Assad and Putin cheerleader Tulsi Gabbard prepares to call Kamala Harris a warmonger from the stage.
Or maybe its because Kennedyonce proclaimed, Covid-19 is targeted to attack Caucasians and Black people.
The people who are most immune are Ashkenazi Jews and Chinese.
Dr. Pierre Kory takes the podium.
Today, he describes the Covid-19vaccineas a catastrophe that has cost millions of lives.
This is exactly untrue, but absolutely on point.
The crowd claps, but they are getting itchy.
They start to chant.
Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.
In its now 248-year history, ignoring bullshit hasnt worked out well for the United States.
A century later, Colin Powell spoke of aluminum tubes as a pretext to justify the invasion of Iraq.
Conspiracies have infected our political parties for centuries.
In the 1840s, there was an actual Know-Nothing Party that spread hate and lies about Catholics.
The John Birch Society emerged in the 1950s and preached that President Dwight Eisenhower was a communist agent.
Four years later, the vast majority of Republicans believe that the whole election was rigged.
Ignore it at our own peril.
I can already hear the Kennedy folk suggesting I am calling for censorship of inconvenient ideas and candidates.
Many of them are here today.
Others just share his character trait of being egomaniac assholes.
They now follow Bobby in a new sect of the no-shamers.
Todays rally is organized by evolutionary biologist and longtime Tucker Carlson friend Bret Weinstein.
And now I am an AM Radio Republican.
Weinstein takes the stage early in the day and declares Rescue the Republic a nonpartisan event.
I laugh and hitch up my khakis.
Speech is our right and our duty.
It is the alternative to violence, coercion, and tyranny.
His noble words crumble a few hours later.
Weinstein is approached by an obnoxious media prankster.
The dude asks the Rescue the Republic founder whether his brother Harvey is innocent.
He grabs the guys camera, removes the memory card, and storms away.
The camera is eventually returned without the memory card.
A whiff of moral superiority permeates the rally.
I have looked into some of your articles.
This cri de coeur is followed up by a distressed voicemail from a man named Trevor.
I want to jump out a window, but I am in a friends basement.
It reminds me of something RFKs new friend once said: Only the best people.
IT HAS BEEN A HELL OF A SUMMER FOR RFK Jr. even by Kennedy-family standards.
As his independent presidential campaign floundered, Kennedywas denieda meeting with Kamala Harris.
I want you to help me make America healthy again.
I want you to help me stop them poisoning our kids.
(The statistical probability that the Big Mac-chugging Trump said those words is 0.000000003 percent.)
Bigtree then describes the scene as Kennedy wrestled with the decision of whether to endorse Trump.
Put yourself in his shoes, shouts Bigtree.
My family doesnt want me to do this.
Kennedy did it anyway, just like he ran for president without their blessings.
Johnson replies it would be on the preponderance of evidence he gathers for Trump.
In the system that my father and uncle thrived in.
A system with open debates, with fair primaries.
Standing nearby was Trump, who debated his 2024 primary opponents exactly zero times.
JFK, Bobbys uncle, was nominated in 1960 based on 12 inconsequential primaries.
And the younger Kennedy?
He complained that Harris was added to the presidential ballot despite not receiving a single vote.
(In the days before and after the speech, Trumpcalled forimprisoning Americans who burned the flag.)
Kennedy claimed all the credit.
BACK IN WASHINGTON, I notice that God and ivermectin are battling for supremacy.
Both get cheers every time their names come up.
The two concepts are equally represented when Russell Brand and Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson take the stage.
Well, kids, gather around the fireplace and hear a story as old as time.
(Brand told the paper that the relationships were consensual.)
Brand was already Joe Rogan-curious, but now hes gone full John the Batshit.
(A monetizing opportunity has been lost if this is not already a class at Bari Weiss University.)
What are they in the United States?
I will buy you a burrito if it’s possible for you to parse that sentence.
Brand thinks he knows what has befallen America.
That means making it ordinary and sterile and lacking in glory and lacking in valor, the desacralization.
That means the taking away of God from all things.
It seems that there is a globalist and totalitarian scheme to replace God.
Brand moves into fire-and-brimstone talk delivered in a twee accent.
Friends, sit up straight and listen when Russell Brand talks of solipsism.
Dude knows of what he speaks.
Maybe we are entering some kind of Joaquin PhoenixIm Still Herestunt and Brand is filming a mockumentary.
Perhaps sensing this, Brand heads back to simple bangers-and-mash conspiracy talk.
Note that George Soros just bought 300 radio stations, says Brand.
Youll know that Bill Gates invested $300 million in media donations in the last few years.
Brand then asks if he can end their talk with a prayer.
Somehow, theres more.
The Joker and Charlatan U.K. then recite the Lords Prayer.
Not even televangelists have the balls to offer pseudo-intellectual political commentary embedded within an actual prayer.
Then, former60 Minutescorrespondent turned cray cray impresario Lara Logan emerges from the wings.
She self-introduces herself as one of the worlds last real reporters.
And thats when I realize God has taken his own life.
The chants continue as Kennedy takes his place behind a podium protected by bulletproof glass.
What human would not love that?
But his own words bear little resemblance to anything his father or uncle would have ever said.
Louis Brandeis said that the remedy for bad speech is not censorship, says Kennedy.
No one thinks this will happen.
Kennedy then moves into the territory where rational people do not dare go.
Not only was Covid-19 a governmental failure, it was also a government conspiracy.
What was the point of it all?
Well, look at what the outcome was.
They closed all the small businesses in this country, 41 percent of Black-owned businesses will never reopen.
They shifted money upward.
And they shifted $4.3 trillion from the American middle class to this new oligarchy of billionaires.
Kennedy wraps up his speech with deep-throated support of Trump, his new master.
I check my phone.
RFK Jr. has not been added to the ticket.
Almost simultaneously, Trump is speaking in Erie, Pennsylvania.
Hesuggests aPurge-like periodthat will end violent crime in America.
Now, if you had one really violent day,says Trump.
I make my way to the media tent where FitzGibbons promised that RFK Jr. would speak after his speech.
Its a chaotic Babylon of broken people, podcasters, and Tim Pool.
Eventually, I text FitzGibbons to ask him when RFK Jr. might appear.
A reporter shouts out a question about Bobbys involvement withNew Yorkmagazines Olivia Nuzzi.
On the stage, Lara Logan reappears.
this actually is all true.
Lara, right back at you.
